So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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