You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
