She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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