I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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