I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
