Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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