For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
