3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
