Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
