Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
