i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize