Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
