I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
