just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you will always have a special place in my vag
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
