I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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