what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
