Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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