pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
