You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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