I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
