living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
