I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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