Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
