Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
