3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish I could punch you in the face.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
