I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
