I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm at about main and main street
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
