Porn is love you can see.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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