im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she pinky promised me she was 18
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
