just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
