JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
