If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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