Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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