Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
