he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
