does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
