i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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