his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
