The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
