It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
