If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
