So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
