At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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