he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
