remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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