Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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