When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
