Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
