just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She announced her abortion via fbk
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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