he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
True college students do jello shots in the library
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
