I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
