I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
