Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
