Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
