Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
