Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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