We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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