he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
