remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
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