I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
