dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
