He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
