How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize