your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
