my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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