His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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