True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
