im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
