I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
