i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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