I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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