So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just had sex on a roof
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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