You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
