best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
